I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
