Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
