oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
