I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
bring money and cleavage
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
