Old men and throwing up are my life now.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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