Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
