Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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