your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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