on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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