Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
