You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
