My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
