the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
