I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
