dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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