She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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