my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
