Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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