just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
