I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
