3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
