No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
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I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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