I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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