So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
