I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i think i just lost a toe
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize