So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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