can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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