just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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