did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
