We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you had me at cake vodka
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
