if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
