i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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