thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
