I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
