There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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