I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
