I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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