I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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