I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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