Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
