Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
