he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize