i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
