Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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