You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
