Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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