yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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