white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
