My room smells like vodka and shame
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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