so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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