My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
