My hand turned me down
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
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Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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