You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
