I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
How external is "for external use only"?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
