Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
