Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
