so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
