here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
