so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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