dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
