Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
