if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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