i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
