I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
