oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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