About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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