: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
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You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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