You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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